How to Find a Therapist – Part 3: Making the Connection
The most important factor in successful therapy isn’t the specific modality or technique—it’s the connection between you and your therapist.
In this final part of the series, we’ll walk through the next steps: reaching out, assessing fit, and ensuring your therapist is the right match for you.
Reaching Out: How to Get a Response
Here’s a tip from a therapist—always email potential therapists.
Why? Because most therapists are in sessions all day with their phones on “Do Not Disturb.” We also receive multiple inquiries daily, and returning every phone call just isn’t realistic. Email allows us to respond efficiently while still giving you the attention you deserve.
When reaching out, keep your email concise but informative. Here’s what to include:
Why you’re reaching out. Share a brief (one or two sentences) explanation of why you’re seeking therapy and why you’re interested in the therapist’s approach.
Your availability. List the days and times you’re available, as well as whether you prefer in-person or virtual sessions.
Insurance details. If you plan to use insurance, include your insurance carrier’s name.
Here’s an example of a well-crafted inquiry:
Subject: Availability for New Clients
Hi [Therapist’s Name],
I’m reaching out to see if you’re accepting new clients. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for many years, and it has worsened over the past six months due to a family stressor. I came across EMDR in my research and believe it could be a good fit for me.
My schedule is flexible for virtual appointments Monday through Friday. For in-person sessions, I’m available after 4 p.m. on weekdays or on Saturdays. I have Cigna insurance and would need to use my benefits.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Best,
[Your Name]
This message is clear, to the point, and gives the therapist enough information to determine if they’re a potential match.
Who’s the Best Fit for You?
Once you start receiving email responses, the next step is determining who’s the right fit. If a therapist has availability, I highly recommend scheduling a 15-minute consultation call.
Not every therapist offers free consultations, but I believe they’re invaluable. Unless you have a strong personal referral, I wouldn’t suggest booking a session with someone you haven’t spoken to first.
What to Ask in a Consultation Call
Here’s what I’d focus on during that call:
Do you feel a connection?
Does the therapist seem genuinely interested in you?
Can you sense their compassion and empathy for what you’re going through?
Do you feel seen, heard, and understood?
Feeling safe and connected is essential for a strong therapeutic relationship.
How do they think they can help you?
Ask: How do you typically work with clients like me?
What you’re really listening for is how they believe change happens.
Therapy isn’t about a therapist “fixing” you—it’s about working together toward meaningful change. Your therapist should be able to explain their approach in a way that resonates with you.
Here’s an example of how I explain my process to potential clients:
My background is in Marriage and Family Therapy, which means I focus on how childhood experiences shape present-day challenges. I’m also a Certified EMDR Therapist and incorporate parts work into my practice. Both approaches explore how past stressors and traumas contribute to current symptoms.
If we work together, I’ll encourage you to be curious about how your upbringing connects to what you’re experiencing today. Once we identify those links, we may use EMDR to help resolve earlier experiences so they no longer have such a strong hold on your present life.
That said, if you’re not interested in exploring childhood connections, I may not be the best therapist for you. There are many other effective therapies, such as CBT or DBT, that don’t focus as much on the past. Therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all, and the best approach is the one that fits your needs and goals.
A strong therapist should be able to clearly articulate their approach so you can determine if it aligns with what you’re looking for.
Assessing Fit Over Time
Even if the initial consultation goes well, not every therapist-client match will be the right one. Sometimes, you’ll know early on, and other times it may take a few months to realize the relationship isn’t working.
Therapy isn’t magic—it requires your honest effort and your therapist’s skill. If you’re not feeling any progress or don’t think your therapist “gets” you, you’re not stuck. You have the right to try again.
Personally, I worked with two therapists before I found the one who helped me make major changes. And you know what? I learned a lot from the first two—what worked for me, what didn’t, and what I truly needed from therapy.
So, if your first therapist isn’t the right fit, don’t be discouraged. Take what you’ve learned and keep searching. The right therapist is out there for you.