How to Find A Therapist

A 3 Part Series

Recognizing The Signs You Need Therapy

Starting the search for a therapist often happens during our most vulnerable moments—when we’ve reached the end of our rope. I remember this well from nearly 20 years ago, when I began therapy during a difficult life and career transition. My depression symptoms were worsening by the day, and managing my daily life felt impossible. A dear friend who had been supporting me finally said, “You need a therapist.” It was hard to hear, but I knew she was right.

I often compare our ability to manage emotional experiences (sometimes called our “window of tolerance”) to a sidewalk. When our sidewalk is wide and a strong wind blows, we may need to plant our feet more firmly, but we stay balanced and can keep moving forward. When we’re struggling, that sidewalk narrows until we’re essentially walking on a tight rope. A small breeze can knock us off balance, and it takes all our energy just to stand upright, let alone move forward. At that point in my life, I was on that tight rope, desperately seeking immediate relief. If this sounds familiar—if you or someone you love is feeling this way—you’re not alone.

Trying to find a therapist in this state—when even the slightest breeze knocks you over—can feel like a Herculean task. You search online or call your insurance, only to face dead ends: no response, no availability, or no coverage. Each disappointment feels like another gust of wind threatening your balance. Over the years, I’ve spoken with many people in this situation, and some I’ve been able to help directly. Others I’ve referred to colleagues who had openings and were a good match.

If you’ve never had to find a therapist before and you’re feeling on edge, this three-part series will walk you through the process, with the help of my own “insider” knowledge and ChatGPT. Together, we’ll map out a step-by-step plan to get you started. But first, it’s worth noting: if you think you need a therapist, you probably do. Trust that instinct—or like me, the gentle nudges of a loved one. It’s much easier to look for help when you’re on a slightly narrow sidewalk than when you’re on the tight rope.

Common Signs It May Be Time for Therapy

How do you know if you need therapy? Below are some common signs to consider. If any of these resonate, it might be time to start your search:

1. Feeling Overwhelmed

   • Are you chronically stressed or anxious? Do everyday responsibilities feel like monumental tasks?

2. Difficulty Regulating Emotions

   • Are you often stuck in anger, sadness, or worry that seems to come out of nowhere?

3. Withdrawing from Activities

   • Have you stopped enjoying hobbies or spending time with friends and family? Are you isolating more than usual?

4. Persistent Negative Thoughts

   • Is your internal dialogue filled with criticism or hopelessness, and do you struggle to redirect it?

5. Unhealthy Coping Methods

   • Are you relying on alcohol, drugs, overeating, or excessive shopping to handle stress?

6. Trouble with Daily Functioning

   • Is it hard to get through routine tasks? Have you been calling in sick to work or neglecting personal hygiene?

7. Relationship Strain

   • Do you find yourself arguing more with loved ones, or noticing that friends and family seem frustrated with you?

8. Recent or Past Trauma

   • Have you experienced a recent traumatic event that’s triggered new or unresolved PTSD symptoms?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, it may be time to begin your therapist search. In the next post, we’ll explore how to identify a therapy modality that fits your unique needs. After that, we’ll discuss how to conduct an efficient, effective therapist search. Remember: seeking help sooner rather than later can make a world of difference.